Where did mondays come from? who invented them? and why are they so unbearable? Three questions out of a million I find myself asking. another question I find myself unable to answer is "why did I stay up til 3am today?"
Ahh 3am. an unholy hour I've been seeing quite a lot of lately, and tbh. I don't even talk to anyone on msn, or do much on facebook, all I've been doing is thinking. like its a new thing I find myself able to do... all I do is think, about my former relationship, and if its fixable, despite knowing I should be over this by now, and I'm really not, and I think about where I'm going in life, where I want to be, who I want to be. And not one bit of it makes any sence to me.
although I'll admit, Jamie did one thing right, he brought me back from indie, and helped me see the light and return to being a dirty little mosher :D which I'm pretty happy about. I can't even listen to Kings of Leon anymore without cringing and thinking "what the fuck was I thinking??"
yet every night, just before I fall asleep I still listen to Bed Of Roses, close my eyes and pretend, to a time when all was good, and I was Jamie's, and I remember the things we did, and the things we said, and I'll smile even with the tears streaming down my face... stupid I guess. I know its over, and I can accept it. but damn did I let a good one go haha.
anyway. those days are long over, and as much as I hope and pray. they're never coming back. :'( at least I doubt it, and I'm left here, in the college ict room, typing up my thoughts, and left with a shit load of amazing memories I swear I'll never forget, and what feels like an everlasting sorrow.
Ashe
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