Your Mum is sooo fat!

Your Mum is so fat, when she sat on memory foam, it forgot.
Your Mum is so fat, she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in.
Your Mum is so fat, when she goes to the beach, people yell out, "Whale Sighting!"
Your Mum is so fat, she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy.
Your Mum is so fat, she influences the tides.
Your Mum is so fat, whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in.
Your Mum is so fat, she has her own zip code.
Your Mum is so fat, she lives in two time zones.
Your Mum is so fat, it takes a train to get on her good side.
Your Mum is so fat, that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Your Mum is so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
Your Mum is so fat, whenever she turns around they throw a welcome-back party.
Your Mum is so fat, every time she turns around its her birthday.
Your Mum is so fat, she jumps up in the air and gets stuck.
Your Mum is so fat, when she jumps she ends up in Australia.
Your Mum is so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Your Mum is so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: California, Nevada, Arizona…
Your Mum is so fat, when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th.
Your Mum is so fat, when she dances the band skips.
Your Mum is so fat, she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals.
Your Mum is so fat, every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil.
Your Mum is so fat, she stepped on a dollar and got change.
Your Mum is so fat, when she steps on a scale it reads, "One at a time, please."
Your Mum is so fat, when she steps on a scale it reads, "To be continued."
Your Mum is so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to get the fuck off.
Your Mum is so fat, she thought gravy was a beverage.
Your Mum is so fat, I took her to dinner and the waitress took her order in shorthand
Your Mum is so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Your Mum is so fat, she went to the salad bar and pulled up a chair.
Your Mum is so fat, when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet they have to install speed bumps.
Your Mum is so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"
Your Mum is so fat, she broke her leg and gravy poured out.
Your Mum is so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Your Mum is so fat, the only wiener she'll ever get is a hot dog.
Your Mum is so fat, her first love was Krispy Kreme.
Your Mum is so fat, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a tooth pick.
Your Mum is so fat, she has to use a satellite dish as a Cereal bowl.
Your Mum is so fat, she thinks that Niagara Falls is a drinking fountain.
Your Mum is so fat, McDonald's set up shop in her house.
Your Mum is so fat, her best friends are Ronald McDonald, Burger King and Betty Crocker.
Your Mum is so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people call out to her, "Taxi!"
Your Mum is so fat, when she wears a yellow coat she looks like a school bus.
Your Mum is so fat, she has an sign on her back that says "wide load".
Your Mum is so fat, when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
Your Mum is so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs.
Your Mum is so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she’s backing up.
Your Mum is so fat, she bungee jumps and falls straight to Hell.
Your Mum is so fat, when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too.
Your Mum is so fat, when she walks into a bar the ceiling fan falls down.
Your Mum is so fat, they use her underwear elastic for bungee jumping.
Your Mum is so fat, when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Your Mum is so fat, even the AIDS quilt wouldn't cover her.
Your Mum is so fat, she has a run in her blue-jeans.
Your Mum is so fat, she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
Your Mum is so fat, when she took her dress to the cleaner they said, "Sorry, but we don't do curtains."
Your Mum is so fat, she's got to iron her pants on the driveway.
Your Mum is so fat, she has to wear Levi’s 1002s.
Your Mum is so fat, when she wears white, she looks like the Michelin man.
Your Mum is so fat, when she wears red, she looks like the Kool-Aid man.
Your Mum is so fat, when she wears an "X" helicopters land on her.
Your Mum is so fat, she's got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
Your Mum is so fat, she can't reach her back pocket.
Your Mum is so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Your Mum is so fat, she needs a boomerang to put her belt on.
Your Mum is so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the New World.
Your Mum is so fat, we get a drought every time she takes a shower.
Your Mum is so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
Your Mum is so fat, she uses the Freeway as a Slip ’n’ Slide.
Your Mum is so fat, she’s still waiting for someone to fill the Grand Canyon so she can take a bath.
Your Mum is so fat, they have to grease the bath tub to get her out.
Your Mum is so fat, you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
Your Mum is so fat, she went to Disneyland and got group discounts.
Your Mum is so fat, Santa asked her to cover for him.
Your Mum is so fat, when she sits around the house, she literally sits AROUND the house.
Your Mum is so fat, every time she walks her butt claps.
Your Mum is so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
Your Mum is so fat, when she falls out of bed she falls on both sides.
Your Mum is so fat, her will states that she wants to be donated to Ripley's Believe It or Not.
Your Mum is so fat, you need a Thomas Guide to find her asshole.
Your Mum is so fat, when she walked past the television, I missed Scary Movie 1, 2 AND 3.
Your Mum is so fat, she got stuck in the garage.
Your Mum is so fat, when she was a kid she could only play seek.
Your Mum is so fat, it took five UFOs to abduct her.
Your Mum is so fat, we're in her right now.
Your Mum is so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Your Mum is so fat, when you get on top of her your ears pop.
Your Mum is so fat, when she has sex she has to give directions.
Your Mum is so fat, she wakes up in sections.
Your Mum is so fat, when she goes to an amusement park people try to ride HER.
Your Mum is so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book.
Your Mum is so fat, that her senior pictures had to be arial views.
Your Mum is so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets.
Your Mum is so fat, when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Your Mum is so fat, the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.
Your Mum is so fat, they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Your Mum is so fat, that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Your Mum is so fat, the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts.
Your Mum is so fat, she was Miss Arizona...class Battleship.
Your Mum is so fat, she was zoned for commercial development.
Your Mum is so fat, her nickname is "DAAAMN!"
Your Mum is so fat, she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.
Your Mum is so fat, she fell in love and broke it.
Your Mum is so fat, when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Your Mum is so fat, she ordered a double room for a singles weekend.
Your Mum is so fat, she had her ears pierced by harpoon.
Your Mum is so fat, that I really don't need to make a joke, it sells it self.
Your Mum is so fat, she makes Shay look like the Olsen Twins.
Your Mum is so fat, that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
Your Mum is so fat, the only armor she can use in World of Warcraft is of the whale.
Your Mum is so fat, NASA is planning a mission to put a man on her.
Your Mum is so fat, miners dig for diamonds in her footprints.
Your Mum is so fat, she has to live on another planet.
Your Mum is so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh-eating variant of Staphlococcus aureus, the doctor gave her five years to live.
Your Mum is so fat, no one can talk behind her back.
Your Mum is so fat, when she went to a dating service, they matched her up with Detroit.
Your Mum is so fat, when she went to a concert, she had to buy 1 million tickets just to fit her ass.
Your Mum is so fat, you can swim in her belly button.
Your Mum is so fat, she absorbs light.
Your Mum is so fat, she has to play pool with the planets.
Your Mum is so fat, she sat on a rainbow and king sized skittles popped out.
Your Mum is so fat, your dad didn't know which roll he was making love to.
Your Mum is so fat, she thought the Olympic swimming pool was a puddle.
Yout Mum is so fat, every move that she makes required planning permission.


Your Mum is so stupid, she got locked in a bathroom and pissed in her pants.
Your Mum is so stupid, she tried to steal free samples.
Your Mum is so stupid, she returned a doughnut because it had a hole in it.
Your Mum is so stupid, she has no feet and complains her shoes are too tight.
Your Mum is so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.
Your Mum is so stupid, she hung herself with a cordless phone.
Your Mum is so stupid, she set the VCR for 2 hours to record 60 minutes.
Your Mum is so stupid, she asked me "What does Yield mean?" and I said, "Slow down." And she said, slowly, "W H A T D O E S Y I E L D M E A N ?"
Your Mum is so stupid, she froze to death in a furnace.
Your Mum is so stupid, she burned to death in a freezer.
Your Mum is so stupid, she waves her hands around in public and calls it "Air Conditioning"
Your Mum is so stupid, she thought a paramedic was two doctors.
Your Mum is so stupid, she tried to change the channel on a TV dinner.
Your Mum is so stupid, she got stabbed at a shoot-out.
Your Mum is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Your Mum is so stupid, she thought she'd unravel if she touched bellybutton
Your Mum is so stupid, she got locked in a Food City and starved to death.
Your Mum is so stupid, she spent hours staring at a bottle of orange juice because it said 'Concentrate.'
Your Mum is so stupid, she locked her keys outside of her car.
Your Mum is so stupid, she threw a clock out the window to watch time fly.
Your Mum is so stupid, she said she was 'illegitimate' because she didn't know how to read.


Your Mum is so old that I told her to act her age and the bitch died.
Your Mum is so old that she farts dust.
Your Mum is so old that the milk in her tits is expired.
Your Mum is so old that Moses is in her yearbook.
Your Mum is so old that she owes Jesus a quarter.
Your Mum is so old that she only has two teeth and they're both in her pocket!
Your Mum is so old that she has an autographed version of the Bible.
Your Mum is so old that when she was born the Dead Sea was just getting sick.
Your Mum is so old that she reminisces when she reads the Bible.
Your Mum is so old that she went to the Virgin Mary's baby shower.
Your Mum is so old that she knew Burger King when he was a Prince.
Your Mum is so old that when God said 'let there be light,' she was there to flip the switch.


Your Mum is so ugly that she tried to enter an ugly contest and they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Your Mum is so ugly that she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
Your Mum is so ugly that her teeth are brown and she spits Yoo-hoo.
Your Mum is so ugly that when she's on the beach the tide won't come in!
Your Mum is so ugly that I went to your house, kicked in the door and your Mum came out barking.
Your Mum is so ugly that when she got arrested they took her to the SPCA.
Your Mum is so ugly that she popped her head out the window and got arrested for indecent exposure.
Your Mum is so ugly that she makes blind kids cry.
Your Mum is so ugly that the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Your Mum is so ugly that when two guys broke into her apartment, she yelled "Rape" and they yelled "NO!"
Your Mum is so ugly that they filmed 'Gorillas in the mist' in her shower.
Your Mum is so ugly that when you went to a fancy restaraunt, she had to sit outside.


Your Mum is so hairy, that when you were born you got rug burn.
Your Mum is so hairy, they took her to the museum and put her on display as the woolly mammoth.
Your Mum is so hairy, she went to a Star Wars convention and the nerds kept asking her for Chewy's autograph.
Your Mum is so hairy, when she shaved her ass, she lost ten pounds!
Your Mum is so hairy, her nipples have afros.
Your Mum is so hairy, before Halloween, everyone thought she was Cousin Itt.
Your Mum is so hairy, she makes the wolf man look like a puppy.
Your Mum is so hairy, she has to brush her armpit hair.
Your Mum is so hairy, she tucks her pubes in her socks.
Your Mum is so hairy, it took them three years just to shave off enough hair to see her face.


Your Mum is so poor that I rang your doorbell and she shouted "DING-DONG!"
Your Mum is so poor that she can't even pay attention.
Your Mum is so poor that at her funeral, she had to give up her casket in order to pay.
Your Mum is so poor that when she wants a gumball she has to put it on layaway.


Your Mum is like a brick, she's dirty, flat on both sides and always get laid off by mexicans.
Your Mum is like a 2 by 4, flat, smooth, and easy to nail.
Your Mum is like a fire hydrant, on every corner.
Your Mum is like a shotgun, two cocks: and she's ready to blow.
Your Mum is like a screwdriver, everyone gets a turn.
Your Mum is like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn.
Your Mum is like a lamp, everyone gets a turn.
Your Mum is like a bowling ball, she gets fingered and fucked down an alley 20 times a night, for 5 dollars an hour
Your Mum is like a bowling ball, She gets picked up, fingered, thrown into the gutter, and you know what? She just keeps coming back for more.
Your Mum is like a gas station, pump first then pay.
Your Mum is like Burger King, "Your way right away."
Your Mum is like Timex, "Takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’"
Your Mum is like 7-Eleven, she's always full of indians.
Your Mum is like McDonald's, "Serving Millions."
Your Mum is like Domino's, "Hot, Wild, Now."
Your Mum is like Home Depot, 50 cents a screw
Your Mum is like a refrigerator, every guy loves to stick their meat in her
Your Mum is like Pizza Hut, if it's not there in 30 Minutes, it's free
Your Mum is like a rail road, laid all over the country.
Your Mum is like an SUV, big, black, and full of Mexicans.
Your Mum is like a Nascar Driver, she burns 50 rubbers a day
Your Mum is like a door; I banged her all night.
Your Mum is like a police station, dicks go in and out of her day and night.
Your Mum is like good paint, cheap and easy to spread.
Your Mum is like Chinese food, every one gets a chance to eat her out.
Your Mum is like a toilet, fat, white and smells like shit.
Your Mum is like a bike, everyone can ride.
Your Mum is like a fast food restaurant, in n' out, fast and easy.
Your Mum is like a seniors bus, older guys get on and off her all day.
Your Mum is like a hardware store, 5 cents a bolt, 10 cents a screw.
Your Mum is like the Eagles Theater, 75 cents on Thursdays.
Your Mum is like Taco Bell, "79, 89, 99" cents.
Your Mum is like 7-Eleven, she's always full of Mexicans, open 24 hours a day and will give me a Slurpee for a dollar.


Your Mum is so goth that she makes Happy Meals cry.
Your Mum is so goth that when she had a sore throat, everyone thought she was a mime.
Your Mum is so goth that she shits bats.
Your Mum is so goth that when she walks outside, the sun hides behind the moon.
Your Mum is so goth that she sleeps in a coffin.
Your Mum is so goth that the only game she plays is Vampire.
Your Mum is so goth that when she went through a hip hop phase she became Wesley Snipes.
Your Mum is so goth she doesn't even talk
Your Mum is so goth she makes niggers look like they got dipped in Grammy's ol' tyme cum batter.
Your Mum is so goth she makes Edward Cullen look like a fucking princess.
Your Mum is so goth that Van Helsing thought she was a vampire and shot her.
Your Mum is so goth she painted her eyelids so black, now she's blind.